1st weekend spent in hall...

sat's anatomy lec was postponed and its my 1st sat without lesson. YIPPEE!!!! most of my frens went home happily, but i have so much work to clear, so decided to stay in hall to do them... furthermore, go home also nobody, plus the haze is so bad that i dun feel like gg out of my room at all... and for the 1st time, i appreciated my hostel room so much... becos of the internet connection ;p

haf been feeling down for quite awhile, ever since i finished my TCM diagnostics exam and the start of huang di nei jing, another TCM module. its so tough. cant really understand much. it brings me back once again to ask God why did He place me where i am right now...

my faith was greatly challenged. i struggled spiritually, my walk wif God has been unstable, because the nei jing, aka TCM's bible, REALLY has roots of Taoism, Buddhism, philosophies all mixed into a complex entity. these really made me super confused! its like chinese literature. muz worse becos tis has to be linked wif medical treatment. the new lecturer is so profound. she speaks so fast. i practically catch no ball & not able to make my notes in chinese at all becos b4 i can think of how to write those chinese charactors, she has alrdy finished explaining a whole paragraph le. when got stuff to copy, she juz scrolls the ppt up & down so quickly i havent even read finish & it gone. dun understand y she has taken the pains to print out a simplified lec notes for us which is so brief!? its really mentally torturing to haf to endure sitting thru 12hrs of her lecs every wk, walking out of every lec feeling more & more empty, more & more demoralised & weak... becos i'm not able to cope... i saw so much work piled up after my term break, becos i only strategised to mug hard for the TCM exam, & did nothing else, tats why i'm lagging behind badly... wrong move i guess...

a voice whispered to me, "I promised to walk thru it with u, but i nv promise u that there will be no pain .... God will make a way, where there seems to be no way .... God allows U-turn even if u've made a wrong choice... He'll forgive..."

recently i realised i havent been using the wisdom tat God has given me when i asked... wisdom to make wise decisions, be it big or small. i had a tendency to point my fingers to God whenever my journey in my course is tough, blaming Him for making me go thru all the trials & temptations. now i learnt, that i was the one who still made the choice, & He allowed it, so no point blaming God.

now to salvage the troubles wld be to walk wif GREATER perseverance, build up the drive & passion for the subject....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever u face trials of many kinds, because u know that the testing of ur faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that u may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"
-James 1:2-4

how true the bible speaks of wad i'm gg thru! yes! PESEVERANCE is the key to bring me thru the journey i started on...

dear God, thank you for ur faithfulness for being there waiting for me even when i tried to run away from u... i'm sorry... i'll promise not to let u die on the cross in vain again... pls reignite the first love i haf for u, let ur face shine upon me & help me to know u better... pls gif me strength & wisdom to walk each new day tat u've given me... help me see & view thgs positively, & deliver me from tepmtations from the evil one... increase my faith once again... thank you Lord...