mid sem reflections...

juz yesterday, i was reminded by huimin tat i shld update my blog. and i realised i shld cos i need to do some reflection...

haha as i think back, seems like my life hasn't been very happening, juz normal lessons and weekends go church, not studying much becos i try to sleep early. most of the sch work i do are rushing lab reports and trying out some tut qns. which was somewad like wad happened last sem... i am disappointed wif myself in a sense becos i still dun seem to haf time to sit down and really do readings, make notes, and start memorising stuff... and this was exactly the same as last sem... i noe this led to my fallacy, but somehow i juz couldn't help it. i really wonder where has all my time gone to? at least now i'm no longer stressed abt tuitions, but becos of prac on sat, and church on sunday, somehow the weekends are juz gone. but i believe gg church is sth i will still do no matter how busy becos i dun wanna rob God of the time supposed to be devoted for him. but even if i try to crash prac on thurs or fri, its oso cos sat got sth - like project discussion for tmr, or last time was management make-up tut. furthermore, i juz haf this feeling tat i'd do even worse than last sem becos the stuff are harder, esp the TCM modules, to write in chinese in exams without a dictionary, and the BS modules are really kinda more cheem... on top of those, i did not stay up late to study and my work is again lagging... i really need to be more accountable all the time i haf wasted, and its related to my previous entry abt how hall life sucks... time is wasted in entertaining other stuff although its comfy and no need to squeeze on public transport, but i juz dun really enjoy this 'convenience' somehow... perhaps i've somehow lost interest in dance and the crazy hall activities, probably cos of my introverted and boring nature.

my own life seems monotonous, but i gathered much info abt my dear frens whose life juz seems to be very happening... 1st up is my roomie, who recently got attached, and somehow i felt lonelier... haha... yr was long attached, but now juz changed bf, and cc oso got attached a mth ago... WAH.... all my singles frens seem suddenly to haf news of pple either chasing them or someone they like, or some rumours wif someone... haiz... as for me i juz see myself left on the shelf... but i'm thankful i haven't encounter such situations, prob becos i'm kinda too bor chap wif guys le and i do admit tat i try keep a distant from them, for fear of such things to happen... prob cos i think i'm not ready to handle, and most imptly, i want to submit to God's will...becos i believe only He knows wads best for me...

somehow i juz find guys are really from mars becos they're juz of different frequency as myself... and i think even how close guys and gals can be tgt, its inevitable for either party to fall for the other, or the close relationship has started from the mere fact tat one has some interest in the other... haha this is juz my own logic... i once had tis thought tat i shld try out a relationship to make my thots grow up, but i realised not too gd cos if 2 immature parties cum tgt, both will suffer since both tend to haf idealistic exectations of the other... haha sound so psylosophical...

but anyway, its not tat i nv liked anyone before, but the problem wif me is tat most of the time they're infatuation tat din last very long... oso, i find it very hard for me to tok to him when i realised i start liking him, dunno why this hindrance... prob scared my words and actions wld give myself away, and tat it is too obvious alrdy... somehow, i really need to learn how to communicate wif guys b4 i can even think of getting a bf...lol...

recently i felt rather bothered abt such relationship issues becos my frens tell me wad they're gg thr and i start thinking abt it myself... its so interesting to gain experiences in this way, but prob cos this wk got V day and friendship week, i can't deny tat somehow my hearts is hopeful for a miracle, but the fact tat i learnt tat most pretty, eligible girls i know of are actually not attached! wow... the world has changed... issit tat girls are really opting for singlehood, not wanting any strings attached, or is everyone too stressed up wif sch work? even on V day as i walked past can A wif Et after management tut (sad lor, V day still tut from 6.30-8.30pm), we saw many grps of pple gathered tgt, obviously there're juz so many pple still like me having to spend it alone... i rmb Et commented tat WOW, NTU is like full of singles! lol... it makes me even more puzzled today after asking my BMS dancing frens (who are very chio), i'm more than surprised tat they're not attached! wad a joke man! haha den we were saying tat some pple who dun look tat __, they might actually are! lol... strange hor?!

i juz wanna tell u so much tat i care, and tat u're in my thots and prayers more than u'll ever realise... i felt restricted abt how much i can do for u so tat u won't misunderstand... i think i shld gif up on my feelings for u..... but i realised its not as easy as i thot... i juz wanna care... and hope tat u'll care more...

haiz... enuff abt 'attachments' lah! back to sch... and qi lao shi... lol... today was the last lesson and it was obvious tat she's not able to finish teaching and juz rushing to go through our assigment... but juz quite glad tat we've taken a photo wif her... gonna send her off on monday nite...

i shall list down all the activities i need to accomplish by this term break:

1. SBS dance on fri 2-5pm hall 9 (fixed as of date)
2. Hall dance practices for Cultural Nite (28/2) unsettled
3. send qi lao shi on monday evening
4. fix appointment to interview for management project
5. DG outing (cycling??)
6. Nira's bday party
7. cell grp outing??
8. visit sis and play wif Shaun
9. family outing

as for schwork, i hope to achieve:
1. lab report done more quickly
2. make notes and revise ALL my stuff
3. read the books i bought recently
4. make an effort to read newspaper more often

most importantly, i wanna spend some quality time wif my family... mom, dad and sis, i miss u all so much...