sAd :(

recess week juz ended today and right now i'm back in hall typing my blog... usually whenever i put an entry, its definitely something big...

i'm feeling sad becos of mamny thgs... both small and big...

big ones include...

my granny (maternal grandma) passed away in her sleep on wed and the wake was from wed till sunday... its been tiring for everyone, esp my uncles who stayed behind at the temple overnight. its even tiring for me a young person who doesn't go everyday, wad more the old daughters and son who are mostly past 60yrs old... my granny is 98 yrs old... wad a ripe old age! left so peacefully... at least tat was comforting to us... today morning was the last day and cremation. mom broke down when viewing the cremation... and wad saddened me greatly was tat when the person i/c told us tat we shld say to my granny, zhou3 hao3 lu4, gen1 ze4 pu2 sa4 zhiu3... which means walk well, follow the buddha... i was disappointed why mom said the 2nd part... sigh... but i was alrdy very thankful tat during the chanting ceremony my mom, sis n bro-in-law and myself all stood firm and did not hold the joss-sticks...
at least for my granny's incident, i'm thankful tat it happened during recess week and i can be wif mom, and my lessons r not distrupted... but it took up much of my time, and the emotions were affected too... and i couldn't go to church today :(

2nd saddest big thg was tat when dad sent me back to hall, on the way he became concerned and asked me abt me n mom gg church every sunday... i was thankful for such opportunity, so i bravely admitted tat we do go to church every sunday, and casually asked if he wld be interested to go... he was abit defensive, immediately said NO and commented tat he hated the pastors, becos last time when he taught at St Patrick's sch (which was a christian sch, and my dad was a chinese teacher there), the vice principle wasn't a gd testimony... he seemed to haf seen the uglier side of christians in the sch, no wonder he's so anti-christ... but i said there's gd and bad sides of everything mah... he simply cannot believe tat its so easy tat by accepting Jesus into your life, all sins will be forgiven, and to him, these r ways pastors bluff pple to use religious means to earn money/fame/reputation... it really saddens me to hear all these... he's a rather stunch buddhist, and somehow he seem to be still angry wif my eldest sis (who passed away 11 yrs ago) for being so devoted to God... he kept warning me to juz listen to the teachings and not be bewitched by it. his image of self is oso very large becos he say everything juz depend on self and as long as we dun commit big sins, we dun need any religion or god to save us... but strangely he actually said tat he believes in all kinds of religions.... argh... he seems in a confused state... i questioned him abt then where did gd thgs and bad thgs happen to pple? he say its cos of our previous life whether we did gd deeds or bad ones... i think he juz believes in tis life after death and recarnation stuff... he oso mentioned tat he hates pple who juz refused to hold joss-sticks even during the funeral... i noe we need to pay respect, but if we do so in our hearts, it shldn't matter so much whether we take it or not rite? i finally knew abit more abt how cum he's so against christianity alrdy... well, its a small step in trying to reach out to him...

i'm kinda bothered abt all these things happening ard me... how i wish i could be like last time juz be immune to external influence... but i cant pretend thgs r not happening when its actually happening!

on top of tat, my huge pile of work is still undone, and lessons starting tmr, tuts undone, lec notes haven touch, lab reports always coming.... argh.... plus the headache dance item on SBS day.... oh my God! how i wish i can disappear from earth's surface for awhile b4 i get too drawn into all these earthly issues...

physically, i feel so uncomfortable... aching body, bloaty abdomen and a huge ulcer on the right cheek. sigh...