Fear & melancholy…

I was gripped by fear on Monday… fearful of the last french test because it has the highest weightage, & the day before, on Sunday, was my mom’s home party & Global Day of Prayer (GDOP) at night at the stadium… so I din finish revising everything… not well rested too… no wonder the fear…
But later in the evening I came to realise tat tis source of fear is oso due to sth else…
I’m gonna get my results!!!! I became very scared, becos it brought back memories abt how I knew by gut feeling I’d fare…
Indeed I could say the result this time round was quite a true reflection of the amount of hard-work I put in to study… once again, how true it is tat ‘a man reaps what he sows’… even the Bible says so in Galatians 6:7b. I certainty have compromised on the excellence I could haf achieved for my papers, juz becos of my mind succumbing to distractions at the most crucial point in time when all I’m supposed to do is to study for the exams… tis horrible result really serves as a wake up call for me to work much HARDER for subsequent semesters… and to tame my mind not to wonder… realised tat I cannot always rely on God’s grace to juz give me the passes… I really need to aim higher & honour God wif my results…
I really thank God for His grace tat I could actually pass the most horrible basics of TCM paper wif a D…. thankful tat I dun need to re-sit for another round of nightmare… but wad I study subsequently still can’t run away from those content, so I better do some revision tis hols… it was the 1st paper for TCM, tested in chinese, oso the 1st paper tat I ever stoned during the exam, not knowing wad to write… mind totally blank, as my peers all busy scribbling away…. Juz could not recall those facts in chinese… all becos I din study hard enuff… I dun feel comforted when pple tell me tat dun worry as long as u’ve done your best… but for me I knew I haven’t done my best… sometimes I dunno if I’ve done my best…. Haiz… I was overwhelmed with melancholy for awhile, but decided to move on & focus on studying for French oral which was today… now I’m thankful for learning to choose to do the right thing…. The rest of the papers were still Bs & Cs… thankful tat the yi gu wen, TCM in ancient Chinese can still get C+… & strangely the weirdest genetics paper oso can get B-… sadly the easy one on basic cell bio I actually got a C! sigh… I passed my management!!! Haha at least cleared the biz module…
Well, I’ve learnt tat wadever circumstances, God will use it to teach me sth/reveal sth to me… indeed I’ve received from the Lord the reassurance tat no matters wad happens, His love endures forever & He won’t let me walk alone thru tis tough course He’s placed me here….
“For I am convinced tat neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God tat is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
(Romans 8:38-39)