hmm... this blog has been abandoned for quite some time...
too busy to blog, too many things to blog, dunno where to start...
but i wanna blog something meaningful to mark my 50th post. lol.


FEEL
i've a fren who nv fails to ask me "how's life" whenever i see him in sch, however seldom it is, & i'm always struck speechless, becos i dunno wad to say, whether to lie or tell the true. at first i was quite annoyed why he persistently asks me the same qns everytime i see him, partly becos i misinterepted his intentions. but i am thankful for such kind of caring frens which are so rare now. and today it also made me realised how emotionally dead i am living as a person for the past 20 years of my life.

since young i'm brought up in an environment where so many things happened in my family, so my mom told me not to think & feel so much, for fear that my studies will be affected by the events. i obeyed her, and so now i realised i've reached a stage of numbness towards the things ard me till the point of hardening of heart, like a human without an element of humaness. this "auto shut-off mechanism" could protect me, but i came to realised tt it wld do me more harm, as it leads me to live a selfish, self-centred & self-righteous life becos i lacked the connection wif pple. i knew i was spiritually alive when i accepted Christ, but somehow, i still carried an emotional bagauge, not being able to experience the joy & love that He promised.

the recent big events in my life has awakened me to feel more. but i didn't noe how to put them to gd use. i tried to escaped everytime the pain comes. it nv occurs to me the need to feel for others, so somehow i am always puzzled how come my frens know how i feel, wad i want & like, or even pray the prayers tt i most wanted to pray so much but dunno how to express in words. i was guessing that i muz haf said some words, showed certain body language or signs, or they might haf some psyche power. lol. i feel so bad tt many times i've neglected my frens' feelings, dunno how to relate to them. now i noe the need to put myself in their shoes in order to understand their dilemna, and to really feel for them, not just applying common sense/human wisdom to imgaine the situations. i realised that this ability to be able to feel for pple is such a wonderful & impt gift from God which can be used to minister to pple, pray for their needs. many sucessful leaders in my church where their ministry shines for God is not because they're more anointed or Godly, but because they noe how to use their gifts and use it to the best to serve God. i learnt to surrender my emotions to God so that He can use it for the extension of His kingdom. and most imptly identify the talents and gifts from God so that i dun waste them...
[to be continued]

right now i've embarked on this exciting journey of sanctification, transforming into holiness, surrending all so that God can shape me into His likeness, so that i can truely live a fulfilled Christian life, to serve & follow Jesus!

hmm... now its so near the exams, exactly a week away, and yet i'm doing all these 'nonsense'. haha. but i noe these investments in character building shld bring me further in life than juz the mere passing of exams...

lastly b4 i forget, all the best to all of u who are taking exams!!!
God bless :)